More on the Ranking System

January 21, 2011

I had a conversation with Heidi a couple of days ago that has been on my mind since.

Among other things, I was thanking her for her recent comment on this here blog and was reminded of Alicia.

Alicia provided tremendous encouragement when I first started blogging. She requested and published my rumination on booze and what our choices might say about us.

That day, Alicia wrote this to me:

“Today you will find out who your real friends are in the Twitterverse. They will retweet you and/or publicly celebrate the fact that you have the gift of words.

The ones who remain conspicuously silent will disappoint. Take it as a backhanded compliment: Your success today highlights some real or imagined inadequacy that they have.

Either way, you win.”

At the time, I thought it was lovely and generous. A year later, it’s so much more.

It occurs to me that it’s a continuation of the ranking system I introduced as rationale for leaving Facebook. In it, I wrote,

“There are one hundred thousand reasons why some fall off the radar but only one reason why others don’t.

Because you don’t let them.”

We can spout what great friends we are all day long, but our actions define us. How do you evidence your friendship?

It’s wonderful to always take their call and be available and supportive. Invaluable even. But what do you proactively do? You call them, of course. You make the time to reach out, to feel around in some mounting darkness to grasp their hand and hold it tight. You make an effort.

In bloggerverse terms, I have a suggestion.


Post a comment on blogs written by your friends.

They labor over theirs just like you labor over yours and feedback is incredibly gratifying and encouraging. A comment shows your friends that you support them and want them to succeed.  Granted we only have so many hours in the day and can’t feasibly read everyone’s every post. No one should blame you for not doing that, but everyone will value you for trying.

Also, subscribe. I am giddy when I receive an email that Dorothy has published a new post. I can’t wait to read it and offer even a simple acknowledgement of her work. I’m not so good at checking Google Reader every day. Admittedly, the email option makes it much easier for me to prioritize my time to ensure that I let her know how much her friendship means to me.

Ranking system.

I’m so grateful to my friends who take the time to share their wisdom on FeliciaCago Land. I plan to practice what I’m preaching here much more in 2011.

Because you’re worth it.

19 Responses to “More on the Ranking System”

  1. dorothyn21 Says:

    I have to tell you Felicia, this is my favorite post. We all need encouragement in whatever we do. Similiar to the wise words of Alicia, my father always says, “True friends are there to help you celebrate your success, not complain that you have it and they don’t.” You learn quickly who your friends are. Let’s celebrate!
    I love you, friend.

  2. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Felicia Yonter and Paul Saini, Dan Reilly. Dan Reilly said: RT @FeliciaCago: A nod to @aliciakan @heidiekmassey and @dorothyn21 on my new blog post "More on the Ranking System" […]

  3. Alicia Kan Says:

    Good to know us old goats can still give some useful advice! Carry on writing, Felicia. You’ve got something.

  4. Tom Says:

    I was smiling as I read this because I am already a subscriber. As a matter of fact, I’ve subscribed to Dorothy’s blog as well. Nothing would make me happier than to see you with more success than you thought possible 🙂

    My question to you is this: What can I do to help?

    P.S. Please don’t forget to do your hand written cartoon posts on occasion – those are GOLD!

  5. Mary Kay Says:

    I don’t take the time to read all my friend’s blogs. But I try to, at least once a month. You are right – I don’t always comment. Shame on me. Or subscribe. Shame on me again. I guess it’s more important than I thought.

    • feliciacago Says:

      Thanks for the comment MK. No one will single us out for not commenting or subscribing. I’m just saying it’s really exciting to get that email notification that someone has. And when it’s a dear friend, even better.

  6. heidimassey Says:

    What stays with me in this post Felicia, is the idea that it is all about choices. We all have the “I am so busy” syndrome and use that as an excuse not to stay in touch. But generally most of us stay in contact with some people-what is the difference? Choices! We claim we have no choice. We claim that we don’t have the time. But we always seem to have time for some things and for some people…

    So my challenge to anyone reading this is to take more time to think about those choices. Be conscious about who you stay engaged with. Be aware of who you are drifting away from. It is ok not to be there for everyone who thinks you should be-but don’t let it be an accident-make sure it is a choice you have made. And then own it.

    Thanks for making me think and for reminding me of the importance of mindful living!

  7. Tatiana Says:

    Press on, dear friend. Your words are a gift to the world. And to me–priceless. Acknowledgement is a small act that meansso much. It means the world sometimes. I know. Smooches!

  8. Benedict Says:

    You speak the truth! and a great reminder to encourage friends on their endeavors! Thanks!

  9. Patterson Says:

    I subscribe and read, but I just do both to talk shit about you to our cat. He makes faces at me. It’s a vicious cycle.

  10. Kristen Says:

    Consider yourself appreciated. I’m committing to blogging everyday in February through NaBloPoMo, so follow along. 🙂

  11. This is not a show of support. We come for the writing.


  12. Wardell Says:

    Great post, I agree wholeheartedly, and ultimately some people will just be better friends than others. I try to subscribe and comment on my friends blogs, or at least repost it somewhere, even for friends who don’t tend to do the same, but I think I’m also guilty of sometimes letting friends fall off the radar which is why I think those of us who self publish also have to be good self promoters.

  13. Thank you Felicia for providing an ‘Andy Rooney’ truth (a man who spoke what may have been unpopular and unspoken) regarding the internet universe! Reaching out and holding what is important is now ‘virtually’ no pun intended, a tough battle, especially with business demands, overflowing emails, parenting tasks, etc. etc. (where’s the down-time!haa!)
    Yet it is amazing how some of these terrific relationships are a garden, reigniting inspiration & planting strong ethos. Discovering others gifts & celebrating them is what life is about. TY!

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